Before you begin this post, you take a moment to remember the many insensitive things that are happening right now in this world and you understand that this is a sensitive topic to some, but you know that you need to write it. The kind of topic perceived as a norm for those who grew up in a shallow-minded household. The kind of topic that you would rather not have one at all.
You are talking about body image.
In a society that is hell-bent in giving women hell for having a protruding belly or thunder thighs, it is difficult for girls to love their bodies especially when these snide comments hit close to home.
Certain remarks like “you’re too fat eat less” or “you’re too thin eat more”, even though you knew that you are trying your best and hearing their comments isn’t helping anything but only give you hopelessness. Most of these comments are from whom who has a certain image or a stereotype about what they want a woman to look like, the kind of body shape that they want a woman to have.
Moreover, you must fit that mould.
It is upsetting and disgusting.
You experience those snide remarks first-hand once you turned twenty-four. You have started changing your lifestyle habits and going to the gym. Maybe it is because of the sudden change of food intake, you gained from 50kg until 60kg. It gradually increased even though you quit the gym, and only ran or swam. The heaviest you have gotten was 74kg.
Thanks to the sudden weight gain, you get uncalled comments about your body. They say, “You’ve gained weight, you should lose some.” They talk as if you don’t look in the mirror every day and see your body in its profound glory. They talk as if you don’t have eyes and notice that you increased two sizes, your old clothes don’t fit you right anymore.
You get comments like “you should lose weight, or you will never be able to find a husband” (because you’re fat).
Why would your potential husband not marry you because of your body shape and size? Isn’t that notion pretentious and shallow? Is that what a man finds for in a woman when they chose to marry? Then he can go fuck himself.
Sleazy eyes were following your every step, focused on that certain body part until you started to hate it and had to cover it, in a bid to stop those fucking eyes from latching on.
It’s like they had never seen a butt before in their lifetime. You wished you could’ve gouged their eyes out or turn them to stone, like Medusa.
Sometimes you hate it.
Sometimes you feel like staying at home, so you’d be away from those naughty eyes.
So, you seek for others like you.
Reading thousands of articles about body positivity and the ways to accept such changes has allowed you to stop yourself from going over the edge, in a bid to get rid of the “fat” and retain your old body.
You were okay with your body; you accepted the jiggly parts, the protruding belly, the thunder thighs but honestly, there were days that you simply wished those comments would disappear.
You didn’t understand why women must be at a certain body shape / weight just for the sake of appealing to the male counterparts. Like as if you were a prized object meant to be ogled and placed on a shelf.
It unnerved you, made you disgusted and you tried to create a more positive thinking towards approaching the matter because you know how disastrous your mind could be. You didn’t want to fall into the danger zone because you could feel yourself loosening the tight grip that you have from going overboard.
You didn’t want to lose weight just because they told you to.
You didn’t want to do that because they don’t control your life.
You are in control of your own life, your own body and your freedom.
You didn’t want stupid people with their equally stupid comments to derail you from what you are.
You are beautiful and you know it.
So, you decided, instead of losing weight because of such and such, you want to be healthier – eat more greens, fruits and drink more plain water. Avoid junk food and sugary foods. Adopting a healthier lifestyle will help you in the long run in maintaining a healthy body.
That was your aim – a healthier body.
With the new lifestyle comes the effort, staving off the oily, salty, sweet food were not easy. Your hormone levels made you even hungrier than some days, and even though it is easy to say it, it isn’t easy to do it. Despite that, be gentle to yourself.
You have gone through a lot of shit.
You don’t need to be hard on yourself when you “break the diet” and eat something savoury. Please don’t feel guilty in pampering yourself because you wanted to eat chocolate or cake or candy or chips. Eat them. Savour them. And get back to the diet the next day. That “cheat day” won’t hurt you. It’ll make your diet go easier as your body won’t be craving for it any longer.
The continuous effort in achieving a healthy body with a stronger mind is still in progress; a working project and one that you are sure that you could pull off.
To tell you the truth, it is very easy to fall into the “lose weight quickly” fad that’s been happening everywhere in the internet. You are tempted in the idea of losing weight fast, but it is damaging to your health, due to the small calorie intake to lose the weight fast.
Please, if you’re reading this and you’re attempting to lose weight, please please be gentle to yourself. Losing weight healthily is a slow process.
Take the time to love your body, even though it’s hard.
Take the time to acknowledge your body, even though it’s hard.
If you can’t, then it’s okay.
Remember, you’re beautiful no matter the shape nor size of your body.
You’re ending this post with a hopeful beginning, ready to be healthy again.